Barely keeping myself alive

Thank you for reaching out, it really means a lot. I'm 29, been dealing on and off with depression since about 18. I think I've reached a point, everyone has a breaking point right? I don't really have friends, 1 person I see rarely, and I feel a disconnect with my family. I don't think they understand depression, and I feel like the family outsider/black sheep. I got a degree but can't get a job for nearly two years now - just a lot of shame, hopelessness. It's a long story of course. My depression came from having a mom who was an addict and a distant father I never could talk to. It has all been build up. I'm turning 30 next, and I don't feel I have achieved anything, my whole adolescence has been messed up. I just can't face life anymore, and really don't want to be here anymore. Life has become scary, hopeless and I'm in despair with no way out. I don't expect you to fix anything but now I've shared some things which is hard for me to do. Can I ask what made you sit with a shotgun in your mouth? Can I ask about your story?

/r/SuicideWatch Thread Parent