I battle myself everyday over food and I feel like ending it all

I would suggest not trying to do everything at once. Start by tracking calories, and beginning CICO. You don't even need to start eating at a deficit, just get used to being mindful of what you eat, measuring what you eat and tracking it. Get in the habit of weighing yourself regularly (if you want to, some people go off of measurements or progress pics or how they feel).

THEN a week later start setting calorie goals based on your total daily energy expenditure (TDEE) and start eating at a slight deficit. Be gentle with yourself, it takes time to get used to eating a deficit and there are days you will succeed and days you won't. This is normal, not everyone succeeds right at first all the time (I'd argue probably no one does).

THEN introduce more difficult goals. Like eating at a bigger deficit, eating more fruits/vegetables, meal prepping etc.

THEN introduce exercise.

This is what I did, and it worked! I didn't own a scale the first two weeks, I knew my weight from the doctor, but I just got used to tracking calories and eating better and moving more. Then, I set more stringent goals as I went along. Finally, I'm in the last lap of my weight loss and I'm exercising regularly and eating 1200 a day. But if I tried to do what I'm doing now months ago I would have given up, it would have been to challenging at the time and I would have gotten frustrated. Be patient with yourself. Weight loss is like training for a marathon when you're not in great shape. You have to start slow and build up, eventually you will get there if you aren't too hard on yourself and set reasonable goals.

/r/loseit Thread