Thank you. This really helps. I know it's not normal and very strange, but it's so hard to keep thinking that during that time when it was happening, and of course now where it was a few years ago and no one really takes much notice of it.
My mum would somewhat protect me. If it happened which it did quite a lot, she would run in and tell him to stop and attempt to push him off. But he was nuts, and would brush her off so easy. But she wasn't always there, and she didn't always come running in. I guess we all got used to it.
I don't think he hit her. I think, again a while ago, he probably has pushed her or grabbed her. Never anything like he did to me, but once she was trying to walk out the door and he grabbed her she then yelled out help - which obviously one of the neighbors heard because they called the police.
I love my mum more than anything. Even though she can be quite horrible to me sometimes for no reason (due to many other issues, horrible sister is a big part of it), I still love her. We are like really good friends. We have talked about him a lot as well. She has told me some really odd things about him. Like when she fell down the stairs and lost her baby. He didn't care. He didn't run to help. When she was choking and she was indicating she was choking by pointing and asking for water. He just got really angry because he couldn't understand what she wanted. He really is an ass.
Mum is soon hopefully getting a divorce since we are loosing our house and having to sell it because he lost his job a while ago.
As hard as it is to believe I actually forgot for a while what he did to me. My brain is really good at blocking out things that I don't want to remember. I'm guessing this is what's partially happening to my mum. But also probably because she wasn't always there.
And I totally agree with the cycle thing. I even see it in myself. I think it might also be partially genetic?? I get really angry sometimes as well :( But I don't go attacking people. However I have hit my sister lots of times because she really is a total bitch, she uses her words, I can't get her to stop other than hitting her, so I use my hands. I don't intend to seriously injure her and I'm careful of this, but just want her to stop being so rude and horrible. As I said, dysfunctional family. She is also 5x stronger than me and will go nuts back, injuring me, which serves me right. I started it. But guess what, everyone goes absolutely apeshit if I touch her. Forget all the AWFUL abusive things she says to me a second before, I'm apparently evil for laying a finger on her. Words hurt too. I would even say more than her kicking my knee in. Kind of weird since both parents used smacking as discipline when we were young, and with my dad doing what he did. I've always got to be the 'older sister' who knows better, she is never in the wrong because she will forever be younger than me and therefore the 'youngest'. I can't handle the awful crap she does and says. She does crazy crap to my dog as well which is ruining the dog (like working it up by waving her arms around, and making growling sounds at her - which is ultimately teaching the dog it's okay to go NUTS and to do all the things she encourages it to do)
If I was never touched/hit I would never even think of touching her because I wouldn't even know that's an option would I?
I will most likely live with my mum and sister during university. Because I don't think I could afford living on campus, or maybe I'm just being greedy/stingy haha. Or maybe I will, I don't know. I also have 0 friends which is also fucking awful and due to me being stupid and only having 2 close friends which completely abandoned me when I left school.
Wow haha, sorry if this brings you down or you can't be bothered to read - but I just wanted to get that all off my chest and write it out.
Thank you so much :)