It's been 2 weeks since I spoke to Nmom after her last blowup. It's so freeing not to care if she holds her "love" hostage for an apology she doesn't deserve and will never get.

Thank you. It has honestly been a more painful betrayal than with N dad because I guess I always thought that mom & I were a team. So realizing that I was her emotional lackey was very painful.

I'm doing well in that I've emotionally detached from her drama, but in some ways I'm still mourning the real mom I wish I could have had. But such is life--if I ever have kids I'll be that real mom myself.

Unfortunately the one month this has all blown up is also the same month that I'm in between therapists, & had to deal with a psychotic roommate situation in addition to the bitter end of my first serious relationship, without much support.

Instead of suffering in silence I took a big step & reached out to my network of friends to help me through the weekend when everything blew up. In a heartbeat my weekend & week filled up with plans with friends, even ones I barely knew outside of a group setting reached out. I almost cried more from being so touched by their kindness than from the pain I was going through.

I have never felt so loved & supported as in this last week & I think it is what has helped me through processing all of this the most. There are people out there who will genuinely care & want to support you, & who will be there when it counts the way you have been for them.

Getting a new therapist this week. I feel stronger for having opened up & let myself be vulnerable with the friends I care about. It also helped me weed out a few friends who were not supportive. I cannot wait to work on myself & my friendships & develop a life & friend "family" that makes me happy.

Thank you so much for your comment & I hope that you are doing well & have continuing support too.

/r/raisedbynarcissists Thread Parent