Thanks for your input.

Community is something that I want but something that I find hard to really have anymore. My wife has a different attitude from me, and doesn't like me to share too much of my personal life with others. I don't mean she doesn't want me to have friends! I think it's more about not 'wearing your heart on your sleeve', which I understand. Personally I find it kind of hard to have authentic relationships with people when I have a feeling in the back of my mind that I have to keep them at arms length. I guess I never learned how to acheive an appropriate balance in that area when I was growing up. Anyway, I want to get involved at our church, get to know people etc, but my wife prefers to attend on Sundays and not get too involved. It makes it very difficult for me to get very involved, too.

I have confessed to my wife several times in the past but, (as I'm sure some other married Christian men have experienced), it is remarkably difficult to open her eyes to the seriousness or depth of the issue. She doesn't get angry about it, or hurt by it, her standard response is normally just to tell me to pray and repent and ask God to help me, (good advice of course). There is nothing wrong with that, but somehow there is a depth of emotional turmoil in me, and the scale of the sin in my life, which I just can't communicate to her in a way that allows her to understand. Those of you who are married might understand this struggle. For those of you who are not, it's a surprisingly painful thing. You want to be known so intimately by your spouse, but you discover that humans aren't mind readers! You have to communicate your heart to them somehow, but that requires not only that you can find the right words, but also that your spouse actually listens and is willing to have their understanding / thoughts changed. You'll be surprised by how your husband/wife can get to know you so well that they think they already know everything, and therefore don't really listen in a way that allows their thinking to be changed. I'm quite sure every married person has fallen into this trap, myself included. It can be an incredible struggle.

I will confess to her again. I don't expect it to make a huge difference to anything, but I won't assume to know.

As far as taking action, and making God my number one passion. I'll take that on board. Any such thing as accountability for building/growing a living relationship with Christ (i.e. through regular prayer / bible reading / service etc)? Not just accountabiliy related to PMO./ Can I find an accountability partner who will do this on here?

Which faith based recovery program are you on?