Oh and yes, (can't edit comments here?)

I have had the same manic/hypomania conclusion and I was ready to go meet a psychologist. For 5-6 years or maybe even since I was 6 years old as I was bullied from 6-15 years and had suicidal thoughts at the age of 15. When I became 16, I moved away from my parents to my own place. That sensation gave me new hope and motivation and I do lost the thoughts of suicide. I think I had a mini epiphany then. And also two times a year since, which I chose to call myself "leveling up". It often happened in the shower when I couldn't take it anymore. I must've been in trip ready mode. My mind got cleansed and I feel like I could archive the past months safely away. And the coming days was always so perfect. I also remember being aware of the levelling up feeling as I tried to replicate it by force. That is what one should never do and it causes bad trips. Repressing bad memories will always resurface. It's like Freud's iceberg of ego again, only know you stand on top of the iceberg, trying to push the iceberg down to forget part of your conscious ego (it goes under the water line in Freud's model). But the more you push, the longer you're able to keep the iceberg under water. But eventually you will forget pushing it down and the iceberg balances itself out as nature always tries. So it pushes up with a bang creating waves in the water and you lose your footing, almost falling off of the iceberg. I was good at pushing down too, in my attempts of replicating this sensation. And that might have been the root of my manic depression. And why people are depressed in general.

Now I have no doubt I don't need a psychologist. I am one now. To myself first and foremost, but if I can maybe help others with what I now know if I know the details gold enough.