You are absolutely right. When I was raising my daughter, I took a "No BS" policy. I didn't (and still don't) tolerate backtalk or whining. I had to take a very firm stance with her and it worked.

The hard part is that it can be so hit and miss with her. I really never know how she is going to react. There are times where being firm does work. For example, we were getting ready to go to the store the other day and she started to have a meltdown. I just said "If you're going to act like that, you don't get to go". She kept on with it, so I said, "Alright, go inside. You're not going" and that worked. But it really depends on her mood, I think. I could and have done the same and it has only caused her to get more upset. I have tried talking to her calmly and explaining why she can't do what she does, etc. only to have her continue acting out. At times it seems the more I try, the more resistant she becomes, and that is when I just walk away and let her work it out on her own.

But I for sure want to be involved in her therapy and hopefully get a better understanding of what approach to take with her. I'm hoping the therapist will have some ideas that may work consistently.