OP, it sounds like you’re white knuckling being clean. I wouldn’t wish that feeling on anyone, I’ve been there and it sucks.

The only thing that’s ever worked for me is actively doing some work on myself to change. For me that was working the 12 steps, for you that could look very different.

I recommend getting some exercise to try to get some natural endorphins going. I also recommend finding something that can help improve you as a person and make you feel better inside. Church, AA/NA, therapy and/or volunteering your time are all great things to look into.

I understand those aren’t for everyone, but the reality is that until you put a little work in things aren’t going to improve.