Not saying any of this to try and make a judgement, just trying to be straightforward about how it looks from the outside: patient is prescribed controlled substance, prescription of controlled substance ceases, patient insists they need more of the controlled substance, patient changes doctors to obtain controlled substance, patient threatens to leave treatment unless controlled substance is made available.

I'm aware of all this. I think my main source of frustration is that this is being looked at from the outside by other people who are making decisions that effect me directly, and their biases are at play and they are making erroneous assumptions about me and my motivations and intentions, and I'm fully aware that I really cant do much about that.

Meanwhile, I'm here observing myself everyday from the inside looking out and I have to watch myself failing to socialize effectively, failing to stay on task and complete the things I set out to do. knowing the medical terms for all these symptoms I have, realizing what's going on knowing I'm powerless to prevent it. Enduring maladaptive levels of stress when I know for a fact that chemically inhibiting them is a trivial matter.

if he did a 180 tomorrow and was willing to give you valium scripts again, would you still be seeking another provider?

If he prescribed anything else that was equally effective, he would be a sufficient psychiatrist for me. It doesn't have to be valium, but I have to introduce more drugs into my system first to know what that might be and I don't feel this constant trial and error has been any good for me. Yes, hypothetically I could change my Dr, and he/she may have a different approach which will hopefully result in remission. I'm basically just venting at this point waiting until tomorrow so I can try and call them again and get a hold of somebody. As agitated with everything as I am at this point, I do appreciate the input.