being Gender queer and Dating share your story

You're not going to like this, but it explains it.

This is my response to your previous answer.

(And I feel you on having no one believe you because your rapist was a woman. Several of my rapists were women. One of them happened when I was a child, and people STILL didn't care.)

Just be thankful you weren't born with a penis, or people REALLY wouldn't have given a shit what happened to you.

People with penises always "want it", you see - even when they don't. It's kind of like being a woman in the 1500's, in that way. Even if you're 8 years old, no less.

(Also note that in our culture abuse can ONLY be considered fault of someone with a penis - making feelings of vilification a common male trait - one that butch lesbians usually lack.)

In this way, I would say its common to the point of being mandatory - women are objectified for their bodies, men are vilified for theirs. Period.

Those are standards that apply to both genders without exception. They're basically mandatory definitions.

Anyway, my response is as follows:

In light of the supposed logic fallacy you have pointed out to me - please allow me to rephrase.

What I meant to say was this...

The rigid gender roles for women have been expanded to contain masculine expression, while the ridgid roles for men remain firmly in place.

So obviously, your trickle down theory doesn't really work.

Here's the result:

Boy wears dress: Pervert / Rapist / Pedophile

Girl wears pants = empowered.

And that's the way its going to stay under the current system.

That's what happens when you only expand gender roles for 50% of the population, and sell abuse as something only people with penises do.

(Even when the number of female child abusers outnumbers male ones.)

Something tells me though, you don't have to worry about that because you have your "I was born with a vagina, so I'm not inherently corrupt" card.

By the way, if you ever DO decide to become abusive - hold onto that card. Its bound to come in handy.

(But I'm sure you all ready know something about that.)

Also, as far as media depictions of feminity, I can look to things like Catherine Manheim, or the Dove Campaign, or "Mike and Molly" or Rizoli and Illes.

There are about a million different shows I can turn to, with women of various body shapes and personalities, doing amazing empowered stuff - all in different forms of dress.

Now - when's the last time you ever saw a boy in a dress on tv, that wasn't ridiculed or outright murdered?

What was the last masculine depection you saw that wasn't overweight & incompetent, or a macho Douchebag?

Where exactly are your guy role models coming from?

Because for my friends growing up - all they had was self hating male feminists that hated them selves so much, and were so convined of their own inherent corruption, that they killed themselves in the most violent ways possible.

(Cobain, Smith, etc.)

That's the male experence of being in a feminist community - "I am inherently corrupt and not to be trusted".

So what do you know about it?

That is the male experience there. I would say if you're missing out on that, you're not really having a genuine male experience, or anything even close to one.

So where does the gender queer aspect come into play? Where is the overlap?

(And how can you be a "gender queer" freak, when the standards concerning your own expression have been expanded to include pretty much everything.)

A "girl" dressing like a boy is only revolutionary, if you travel back in time a few hundred years. As of now, its pretty much accepted.

So how are you a gendered freak? Unless your name is Joan of Arc, and you found a time portal somewhere, I don't see it.

If you were born a boy, and wore a dress, I could see the point. That IS being a gendered freak.

But someone with a vagina dressing more masculine - that only makes you a gendered freak, if you're currently living in pre-WWII America.

So yeah, I don't get it. What is this oppression you're speaking of?

Finally, all I asked you for was a male / masculine experience as an example.

You responded by quoting female ones.

All I'm saying is - your experience probably mirrors a lesbian's way more than a typical guy's.

Most of the trans women I know have been raped, assaulted, abused, objectified - and hatefully called "privlaged", the second they dare stand up for themselves in any way.

(With the added bonus of being under even MORE scrutiny about their bodies than even Cis women are - since they have a black face characture to contend with.)

Trans women live in a world where feminism never existed.

Trans men live in a world of male privlage, without the downside of being villified for having a cock.

In fact, they're even more privlaged than Cis guys, because they're allowed to go anywhere. They are allowed to inhabit men or women's spaces.

Meanwhile, trans women have nothing.

They are exiled from every form of community except themselves.

They are unsafe and assaulted in male spaces.

They are shut out and ridiculed in women's.

Its literally the worst of everything - all the objectification of being a girl, with the added vilification of having the wrong parts.

So my question to you: how are you oppressed in any way?

Even if they misgender you, at least what you're doing is considered something "empowered", rather than perverse.

No one's going to say you did that to rape other men or something.

(Cause you don't have "the evil rapey part", so you're in the clear I guess.)

I'm not just saying you're less oppressed - I'm saying, you're not really that oppressed at all.

(Especially if you're a full time passing trans guy, anyway - which I know you're not.)

Honnestly, even if you were god forbid, raped or abused - at least it would be considered valid.

If boys don't cry was about a trans girl, no one would have even cared.

It just would have just been called "Get Over it Faggot", and accompanied by a laugh track.

(Since abuse is only considered valid if it happens to someone with a vagina.)

Look - I just think on a social level you'll never really know what its like to be a guy, under any real definition.

You would have to experence the bad parts of it, as well as the good to truly know what it's like.

And you never will, because of feminist sponsored, patriarchal definitions of abuse.

You get a free pass to the perception of "inherent corruption", that accompanies being a man - because abuse is thought to wrongly be about body parts rather than actions.

As long as that happens, you'll never really know what its like to be a man - nor will you ever be held accountable for any abusive actions you inflict on others.

That's fucked up, but its kind of the way it is.

As for why I'm doing this - I'm simply showing you the same warmth and hospitality lesbian radfems have been showing people like me for the past 50 years.

So hopefully, maybe you can get a small taste of what that level of acceptance is like.

Hope its making you feel really nice and fuzzy.

(And it should. You're the one that gets to hang out in their clubhouse, not me. So uh, enjoy it I guess?)

Just know that the reason your rape wasn't concidered valid, was in part of people like them.

People that endorse patriarchal definitions of abuse as the only real definition of abuse.

In fact, I would argue that's the one element of the patriarchy most feminists endorse, rather than question.

So if you ever want to know why your abuse was never allowed to count, simply look around at the feminists that surrounds you.

There is a reason an outdated patriarchal definition of rape and abuse is the only one feminists advocate for or concider valid.

This is not an accident.

This is done purposely to invert the power structure - even if its a lie.

/r/genderqueer Thread Parent