Maybe that’s just a side effect of coming off the substances. I quit weed a week ago and it definitely amplified my suicidal feelings and I’ve been moody and irritable, but after you get over that life kinda of becomes clearer and you start to be proud of yourself for getting clean. It’s an achievement you can remind yourself of when you start to feel down. Also I’ve been achieving other goals that I just thought about while high, but never actually followed through with.
Maybe you’re not ready yet, it’s really up to you and I think you need to want to do it for the benefit. Forcing it is always hard. Hang in there and feel better soon