I gave it up when all mymoney went to it. I then worked and blew every dime after bills on it. The depression it gave me in top of my daily depressive struggle was so intense that i remember thinking of suicide and instead of debating it in my head and thinking this or that, i was simply ok with the thought no different from chosing to go buy a pack of ciggarettes. I got tired of dry heaving black tar in the shower, it felt so good but i always gagged and puked when nothing was in me. I got tired of picking at the desk and carpet for any crumbs I may have missed. I got tired of thinking the shadows under my door were someone ready to pounce on me and expose me, arrest me, hurt me, kill me. I struggled with coke for 3 years and gave it up until i relapsed after 3 years. Went on a three month binge, and was able to kick it again. Its been four years, and life has totaly changed. Im married with goals and wouldnt trade that for any dope of any kind. Addiction can be brutal, i swappedcoke for pain killers which took 8 years from me, now im 1 year clean of oxy. Again i kicked it myself. I was so depressed thinking proffessional health care is something not available to me. I was always self destructive (still am but not as severe), "teaching my self lessons" when really life just throws them at you naturally. Its easy to say go get help, but when your fighting addiction it changes your thinking and rationality. Once you are clean of dopeyou think clearly, you see right and left, not just one side. If you can win which many people cant and or die, lose everything, or worse become functioning addicts living ina torture, only then can you appreciate mental clarity and really strive for a better you. You have a nice job, car, family, friends, so what? Thats just your outlook on things, go beyond and impact someone else now that you made it. If its not coke, it will be something else later. Its not a coke problem you have, its an addiction problem. I wish you much strength, and yes, you have much more to lose then i ever did, go get help. There is no shame in it at all. Ome thing that finally helped me kick pain killers was i recorded a video of me while high. I watch that video when i get weak to remind me to appreciate my mental clarity. Its a horrible feeling to forget what sober is like. Life isnt about feeling good all the damn time, you need pain amd suffering rather then constant pleasure. Im hurting reading your post because i was there. You are young dont risk your livlihood and freedom. Calling out to random internet people isnt going to give you strength, but its a start that you realize you need help. No one gonna take the dope from your nose, only you can. I lied to myself when addicted thinking any day someone will come rescue me from my poor life and ill get straight. Thats when years went by and getting older contributed to health issues. You want to be able to see your kids, your family, you shouldnt risk your health and burdening your family with an accidental overdose or a random heart attack. Get ur shit together, you can do it! Make some goals and stick to them, but definately get professional help or you will suffer denial and constant relapses. I believe i you. This gutter scum did it, someone successful like you dont need a lie like some chemical tricking you. Your better then that, man up. Control your mind and thoughts, dont be easily swayed into next time or one last line. I know how strong that hit is, just thinking about it i get excited. You have to be in control, grow up, obtain your goals and be there for someone else who struggles to be in control. The depression after quitting will be like nothing you felt until now, get ready and kick its ass. You can win.