Best vacuum for a rural madhouse?

You have some heavy weight requirements and it sounds like you need something a little more heavy duty. Since you did not mention having carpet I would recommend something that is going bring straight suction and power to the game.

I recommend the Numatic Henry HVR200-A2. It's a shop vac that is bagged and has high filtration. It is also considered very rugged and simple. The Amazon reviews speak for themselves but the vacuum is relatively unknown in the US while being one the top selling brands in the UK. The HEPA bags have a very large capacity and are some of the most affordable I have ever seen.

No brush rollers to get tangled in hair or bearings that need the dirt cleaned from them. Just straight suction with minimal unnecessary mechanical parts.

https://www.amazon.com/Numatic-Hi-Power-Proffessional-Technology-Accessory/dp/B005ET3AP4/ref=cm_cr_arp_d_product_top?ie=UTF8

/r/VacuumCleaners Thread