I didn't have them in California. In silver-linings playbook, pat thinks that his wife and the history professor are embezzling money, which is a delusion, but is caused by him sensing his wife and the history professor are hiding something from him. The delusion is probably invented to cover pat's denial over his senses telling him that his wife and the history professor had an affair. So basically something fucked up happened to me and people are hiding it from me, and that makes my delusions go haywire when around those people.

I'm on the brink of sane and insane. I think my rationality is the only reason I don't disappear completely.

I think the dream I had yesterday is saying that she's realized she's wrong and maybe wants to see me too. But also that, if we did see eachother, I doubt it would even be lust at this point. I think we would both just want to lay together and not talk.

I also think that everyone hates the idea of us ever being together in any sort of way and that pisses me off. If I truly changed and became a better person, and she truly changed and became a better person, then I don't see why it would be a problem.

But I also wonder if the dreams are part of this whole trap that the devil and satan seem to have laid for me.