I don’t think it’s wrong to want to help your friend, but part of being a good has to include working in helping them understand how they’re fucking up. It’s understandable that your husband is shaken up by this, and he’s no doubt getting an earful from his friend. Tempers are running very hot right now. If I were you I’d write my friend a letter explaining why the position you’re in is complicated, TELL her that you have to make your family your #1 priority, and maybe give her some heartfelt advise about how she should proceed in good faith, and outline how/when you’ll communicate next. Probably not a good idea to do this behind your husbands back but idk whether you feel like you could talk this out. She needs friends right now though, so I think it is worthwhile to stay connected at a distance with clear boundaries and expectations. Feel for you in this, best of luck .