I have been seeing a guy for the last few months, and relaying bits and pieces to my therapist as things progress. I like him, but I’m puzzled by his behaviour at times hence why it has come up in therapist. At my last session my therapist said that, based on what I’ve shared, she thinks he may be a narcissist.
I’m a bit shocked because that hadn’t crossed my mind. So I’d like to know if this sounds like familiar / narc behaviour or if he’s just a regular thoughtless dude. These examples might sound petty but they’re just some of the little things I’ve clocked recently that feel a bit “off”.
he is extremely focused on aesthetics. Not personal appearance so much as decor, furnishings, design, clothing. However he doesn’t seem to have an emotional link to these things, or to be particularly “moved” by beauty. He just likes high brow, tasteful things - aesthetics for aesthetics sake.
whenever I share a personal anecdote or detail about my life, I’ve noticed he hardly ever seeks more information when typically someone would. I often wonder why he is even spending time with me, seeing as he doesn’t really show interest in the things I share. For example, I shared that I had been extremely stressed recently, because I had been offered a new job - and had found it really distressing to choose to leave my current role. Instead of acknowledging what I’d shared around my stress Etc he just said “what’s the job?” And then sent me a couple of photos from inside one of his (clearly affluent) friend’s beautiful home. Another time I had asked him about his childhood. He shared a story but didn’t ask me anything about me/mind. I shared a little story of my own and he didn’t comment or acknowledge it AT ALL. Just sent me a picture of something unrelated. It is like he only comments on information about me that is particularly interesting to him or that he has actively sought out himself.
he has flaked out on plans a few times and hasn’t said sorry. He has acknowledged that he flaked, so he is aware of it, and seemed almost gleeful, joking that I was probably mad at him - but he has never once said sorry.
he lacks follow-through. One example (of several!) is we recommend movies to one another and I always end up watching his recommendations - but he hasn’t watched any of mine yet. He said a couple of times “oh yes I’m going to watch xxxx this week! I’m excited to watch it.” And then he doesn’t, so I just don’t even bother asking now. It’s like he doesn’t truly value what I have to share, but is happy to keep pushing recommendations on to me. I feel like he just really likes broadcasting his interests and tastes AT me, and it’s not an “exchange” - it’s one way.
with all this in mind he is also very smart, charismatic, funny, appears quite “popular” (runs in a very affluent circle - I don’t think he has a single working class friend :/), and can be really charming. He’s also v successful.
I have also sensed he gets impatient/annoyed when someone over-explains something to him. Like once he “gets it” he gets short/snappy - it reads as though he thinks his intelligence is being undermined, and he hates that.
I could go on, but I’ll leave it there. Would love some insight as to whether this sounds like familiar narcissistic behaviour... TIA!