Girls and women aren't a monolith of course, but no person is truly unique in everything. The fact that someone was attracted to you and you interacted with well enough for her to want to get to know you more and go on a date, is proof that this is something that can and does happen for you.

Your emotions are high right now, so it's easy to jump to "that was so hard to get and I blew my only chance!" But no, it was not your last chance, it was your first chance. You will get another date, other girls will be interested.

I second u/ItIsICoachCal with the advice on high highs and low lows. It's good advice, and you should listen to it.

Skip this for now but when you're calm and ready for feedback

>! She said math wasn't romantic, and that she couldn't kiss you because you weren't sitting.

I think what you heard was "I want you to be romantic with me" and after you did that by kissing her, her subsequent actions and being affectionate with you confirmed for you that you did the correct thing.

From a woman's perspective though, her actions can mean something totally different. She asked you to find a more romantic conversation to have, and you jumped to something sexual (kissing). I'm very much generalizing here but sexual contact, including kissing, is usually built up to with romantic talk, it's not romantic all on its own.

She didn't not want to reject you, so she made an excuse not to (ie. You not sitting). It became awkward when you took away the "excuse" not to. That's why there was an awkward pause and she didn't know what to do.

It sounds like she tried to communicate "no" without explicitly rejecting you, twice - once verbally by saying "I can't kiss you because", and once with body language when you sat down and expected her to kiss you (ie. The awkward silence). You taking the initiative and kissing her very well could have scared her.

This was your first date. You met on discord, so this was her first time seeing you in person. A botanical garden in winter sounds like it would be rather empty and private. And from her perspective, someone kissing her when she was clearly uncomfortable might not understand other cues either.

Fawning is a fear response. If someone isn't understanding the gentle, indirect forms of rejection, the choices become to "go with it" or be more explicit in rejection. For a lot of women, we will go with it, because we don't know what to expect from men when we explicitly reject them, and it can be dangerous. This isn't even necessarily a conscious decision to behave this way. It's what your gut tells you to do.

So to me, it sounds like you misinterpreted her signals, kissed her when you shouldn't have, and then naturally thought her response was positive, and made things too serious way too soon because she seemed really into it. !<

This is just my understanding, as a woman who has been on similar dates where I did similar things because I was not comfortable. It's no guarantee that's what happened and you may never know, but it is worth learning that you shouldn't take the initiative to get over an awkward moment by just kissing someone.