1. Driving a Car

Right off the bat, we're off to a bad start. I drive a 2001 Nissan Altima around town because my city isn't very walkable... at all. Plus, it gets hot in the day.

1. Using a landline

Well, now I don't have to stop whatever I'm doing in order to pick up the phone in another room. Now I can just pick up the phone where I am at that moment... The horror. /s

1. Eating a drumstick

(Facepalm) How do you think we eat a drumstick? With a knife and fork? Also, KFC is terrible.

1. Buying a house

Hold on, let me check the prices for houses in my area. (Checks cheapest house price) Here, let me just fork out $53,000 when I don't have a job and where the water bills are expensive.

1. Getting hitched

Oh. So, not only do you want me to get a house I can't afford when I don't have a job, but you also want me to get married to some woman when I'm not ready?

1. Keeping your salary secret

Well, when you don't have a job, it's no secret that your income is $0.00/hr, such is the case with me.

1. Saving the planet

Oh. That's adorable coming from the generation that made the smoggiest cars and basically deep fried everything in the ocean.

1. Getting dressed up for work

My problems with unemployment aside, the jobs most of us can scrape by with usually require a uniform rather than a suit.

1. Buying pricey clothes

Remember what I said about the jobs most of us can scrape by with? Yeah. Those jobs are usually minimum wage, meaning we' have to work a whole lot more in order to afford expensive clothes which eventually become clothes.

1. Making a sandwich

Okay, work our schedules and tell us you have the time to make one.

1. Dining out

Cliched and boring.

1. Valuing privacy

So says the one who keeps forwarding emails about how Obama is literally the worst president, Muslims are evil, and Confederate Flag defenses with mild-to-moderate undertones of racism.