Where to begin...

"Do you have any medical conditions you're being treated for, such as high blood pressure, diabetes, etc?" "No" "Why do you take Lasix?" "For my heart"

"OMG, this place is the worst. I've got 10/10 leg pain and you're not doing anything about it!" - person who was able to walk to the desk to yell at me, whom life threatening conditions were ruled out, and is sharing an ED with a respiratory distress, suspected peritonitis, and 30 other patients.

"Mrs. Smith is a 54 year old female with past medical history of cholecystitis, status post cholecystectomy, who presents with right upper quadrant abdominal pain of two days duration. She describes the pain as-" "Ok, what's pertinent on her physical exam?" "Tenderness to deep palpation in the epigastric and RUQ" "What do you think it is?" "Most likely acute pancreatitis, we should get lipase levels as well as CBC and CMP, order a CT scan to rule out other etiology" "Wait, why do you think it's pancreatitis?" "Because she's been drinking all day" "Why didn't you tell me that?"

"What brings you to the ED this evening?" "My shoulder hurts" "When did it start hurting?" "About two years ago" "Any reason why you came in at 2am today? Was it disrupting your sleep? Did it suddenly get worse?" "No, I just thought I should get it checked out"

"Why didn't you tell me his liver enzymes were elevated?" "It's in my note" "... well you should have texted me"