[–]tanvanman 7 points 2 months ago  Thanks for the report. I think you're being much too hard on yourself, though. From the sound of it, your only "fail" was setting your expectations too high, and that's pretty understandable. Your storing method shouldn't have too much impact, especially with 10+gs. Your ingestion tek shouldn't have too much impact either, except perhaps ease and speed of onset. Sometimes, for whatever reason, these things just don't affect you how you'd expect. Trust that you got something valuable out of the experience, which you might not yet appreciate. The "torrent of mental pictures" can sometimes mean a lot's going on in the sub/un-conscious. Besides, I think anyone who's done these enough will confirm that sometimes strong doses seem to have less effect than moderate doses. Not usually, but definitely sometimes. I've been to ayahuasca ceremonies where one night a person feels like they got nothing and the next night (same dose) their whole world and personality structure dissolved. Who knows why, but the important thing is you were well prepared and respected the shrooms. As for ego death, I think it comes on people in different ways, and I also think there's a lot of BS online about the topic. For one thing, "ego death" happens every night when you go to sleep, so it's happened to you thousand of times, but for some reason with psychedelics it can register more strongly, and begin to change your perception of what you truly are instead of mistaking ourselves for a set of conditionings. And I'm glad your ego is still intact, because you couldn't function without some sense of one. It's good to see more clearly what the ego is, and what its impact is, and it's liberating to see that you're not your ego, but as long as you're living in a body, you're going to have to know which one to feed. Don't sweat it. Relax, recuperate, take care of yourself, and have another journey when you feel you're ready. All the best! permalinkunsavereportgive goldreply [–]armyofmeisbliss[S] 3 points 2 months ago  Thank you for replying, tanvanman. It's good to know that I was the one who f'ed it up. I was indeed expecting a mind restructuring trip and did not pay enough attention to the somewhat subtler subconscious queues. In hindsight I had a persistent "vision" that was quite interesting. I saw a boy running among macaws and other colourful birds. Everything looked normal, but the boy had inverted colors, like a negative. I'll meditate on it and digest the experience. May I add that I have noticed a certain improvement on my sight. I have -4.0 D Myopia on both eyes and for some reason the contour of objects seem sharper. I can also feel my left parietal lobe pulsate from time to time. Interesting. permalinksaveparenteditdisable inbox repliesdeletereply [–]tanvanman 5 points 2 months ago  Sure. Trips can instigate a lot of "rewiring" of the brain, and you never know the extent to which it's happening. Don't look for it too much in the minutia of experience, but more notice a general trend of more open-mindedness and compassion towards yourself and others. If you want my unsolicited advice, don't pay too much attention to the particulars of any trip or experience if you're interested in dissolving strong egoic patterns. Instead, whenever you think of it, start to simply notice that all thoughts and experiences come and go, but they're all seen by a "you" which is beyond even personality (which also comes and goes). This seemingly innocuous simple noticing has a cumulative effect, and will help sensitize you to the subtle awareness in which even ego comes and goes. When you begin to see that you're not all the characteristics you've always thought you were, a deep contentment begins to set in. permalinkunsaveparentreportgive goldreply

formatting helpreddiquette save [–]armyofmeisbliss[S] 2 points 2 months ago  Thank you, those are some pretty good advices. permalinksaveparenteditdisable inbox repliesdeletereply

Quick update: I recently took 1.5 grams of the Ban Phang Ka strain and boy did I trip. It was a-ma-zing. Very spiritual, nothing like the agony F+ put me through. Just wow.