Well I'm bi, so I had a bit of a weird transition into it. I never really thought about guys at all growing up. In fact, they grossed me out, I thought shit like arm hair and chest hair was just so ugly. While women were a lot more aesthetic and pretty(of course partly due to beauty standards, but at the time I didn't really know that lol).

Either way, I practiced, hard(lol), how to make girls cum. And one day I had a passing thought, hm, that looks like fun, I wonder what it'd feel like to be penetrated. So I tried using a hairbrush and I don't know that it really felt good, it was more like satisfaction. It was the same feeling I got when sinking my dick into a wet pussy. Just...satisfaction, happiness lol. So I from there just stuck something up there while I jacked off and my orgasms were much stronger than masturbating regularly.

Eventually, I clicked on vids of guys anally masturbating, then gay sex. And the idea of being dominated just kind of appealed to me. It was the flipside of what I normally did in bed. So just that role reversal turned me on a lot for whatever reason. I still didn't really get explicit pleasure from anal, but once again, it made my orgasms stronger so I figured, whatever lol. But then I heard about the Aneros and how it would give you mine shattering orgasms(and that it did haha). So I tried that and I was like "ooooh, so that's what those gay guys are moaning about". But at the time, I still wasn't really using the Aneros for actual prostate pleasure, more like, just stuck it in while I jacked off or used a fleshlight.

But one day I decided to actually use it for prostate pleasure and I was a bit stunned by how much I loved it. I moaned like a whore a bit. And it just shocked me, shattered my masculinity a bit, and sent me spiraling into whether I was gay or not. And 5 days after that buying a dildo and learning to love "bottoming" for it didn't help either. But I eventually came to the conclusion I like being a bottom for masculine men, and I like dominating feminine women. They're just two sides of the same coin, sex. I'm still just as masculine as I was before getting penetrated, except now I like a dick. As to why I find masculinity important to my identity, well, that's a question for my psychologist during my future midlife crisis.