Thanks for sharing this. It's super interesting to read, and I really respect that you honor the part of yourself that isn't into it. I definitely have an inclination to be. My BF is more like you. I get his point of view of what a turn off it would be to feel like he's hurting me. I guess as someone who has lived through a lot of other abusive experiences, something about mildly-aggressive Kink actually makes me feel more in control over what has happened to me in the past. part of me feels really screwed up for liking it, but alas, life is full of these contradictions.

It's so interesting how sex preferences are tied to the underpinnings of our identity. I will always think about what you said about being "that sort of man" because I think my boyfriend must feel similarly. Different story, but he was abused and a witness to abuse growing up, so as a male the idea of even slightly hurting me makes him mad. I've given up on the idea for now. Mostly because it doesn't seem to be coming from the healthiest of places in my case, so i'm doing my best to follow his lead.

Thanks for such a great share.