I was medicated before BPD diagnosis, and have in recent years become complitely against putting any medications in my body if I can avoid it.

I still belive medication is something most people should give a shot to if they can safely do so and their doctor so recommends, but for me? Never again going on brain meds please. My experience was that lower doses did absolutely nothing and higher doses had a maby chance of working-with the cost of awfull side effects regardless of medication. One particular pill triggered my self harming to start, witch is a thing I struggle with and carry very visible scars to this day. Even after explaining this, the doctor and begging to quit this med or at least change, I was forced to stay on it. As a young teen I didnt have the balls to quit on the spot myself. Its a repeating story.

I kow have learned than my body and brain simply do not respond well to most medication, fron psychiatric to antibiotics, anesthesia and your basic over the counter painkillers and basic grocery store melatonin pills. And tbh, Im getting tired of explaining to doctors my issue with meds. Most of them ask three times if Im sure and that I might want to reconcider, or explain to me one or more of the many ways meds can help people witch I have heard all before many times. Nobody takes my "No." as it is. I think one of the reasons my faled attempt to my life via overdose was indeed my slowly grown hatred towards pills. Poetic or something. Since then I get a gag reflex at the sight of pills.

I do take medication when I need to. I take them when I know I need them and only then. I wont deny myself medical care that can be important or even lifesaving, Im NOT an anti-vaxination and GoodSmellingOilHealsAll person. But my experience with meds is awfull, to say it short. :D Meds for my mental condition/-s? Its not in my books worth the risk. I will always be happy for those who found Mental Health medication to be lifesaving, I just am the opposite.