I have both BPD and ADHD. Either presently, or mostly in the past, I identify with like 95% of what you mentioned. Honestly, Emotion Regulation Disorder (BPD) neatly explains the majority of your experiences, but as I also have ADHD, my experiences are mixed between the two diagnoses, so I couldn't tell you you definitely DON'T have something additional like ADHD. I think it would be worth pursuing a diagnostic appointment to explore the possibility.

I severely doubt you have autism based on your descriptions. Your social symptoms are all easily explained by BPD/ERD, and even your attention symptoms could be related, though again I can't say for certain that ADHD is or is not involved.

Those of us with BPD/ERD face challenges to relationships, empathy, and emotional intelligence. I used to struggle infinitely more before DBT. The good news is, you CAN learn skills to really reduce suffering and increase your ability to relate to yourself and others in a healthy way! There is hope!

TL;DR: BPD/ADHD here. I identify with like 95% of what you described. It's worth pursuing ADHD evaluation, but BPD explains the majority of your quirks as well or better than autism. I don't think you're autistic.

Best wishes!