Yeah I’m honestly very surprised I got married and to this day I have no idea how he did it. I always saw him more as a partner than really a romance like before. But 6 years since our wedding I started to miss the thrill of the game again.. (which we never had, it was always straight forward)

My post largely refers to before I got married. Since my crazy bpd days a lot has changed - found religion, started a business, married a really good hearted guy. I feel like I am what I am on the inside but because of my moral compass I have no issues with containing it. This post is purely to see if anyone has an idea what ‘it’ is because I don’t lol