For someone who wants to know what depression is like.. I can't really describe it better than this.
‘Just be happy. Think of what you have, not what you don’t.’
If it was that simple, I wouldn’t need to be told that.
The truth is, it envelops me like a fog,
Obscuring everything before me.
It is like sitting in a room, void of light.
Within this room, treasures abound, the most breathtakingly beautiful art witnessed by any...
Yet, I am blinded by the entrapping darkness.
It does not matter what the room holds, I cannot see it... No matter how wide my eyes open.
Occasionally, a light slips through, my eyes catch of glimpse of something wonderful.
The moment realization of where I am burns deeply into my brain.
The light fades, I remain in total darkness.
My mind clings tightly to the brief glimpse of what I am surrounded by...
For ages, it is all I have, remembering what was.
Vestiges of solace slowly turning to objects of rue.
Joyful memories morph into painful reminders.
I reach out, staggering forward slowly.
No matter how many steps are taken,
The objects of memory remain out of reach.
Fingers, craving the warmth of touch,
Graze nothing but emptiness.
Eyes yearning another glimpse,
Greeted by complete darkness.
Were this a physical disease, scars and deformities would tell the tale,
Scream the signs,
Fingers curled into a claw involuntarily,
Eyes spaced wider than normal, teeth jutting from malformed gums,
This is a pain of the soul and mind,
I don’t bear the physical signs of disease.
... I can’t convince anyone of my illness ...
... Unless I reach out, ask for help ...
... Share the words which expose everything ...
... Reveal the fantasies to end everything ...
Having tried to reach out..
Greeted by ‘Just be happy.’
I retreat away,
Saunter backwards in my dark room.
Wait for a brief light to pierce the darkness.
Sit. Wait. Crave.