I had to put a disclaimer on my brother before I introduced my boyfriend to the family. My brother and I are very close but he has battled drug and alcohol addiction most of my life. I love him to pieces but he is so so so difficult to just be around as a stranger let alone having to know him in public and it's so disappointing and embarrassing for me to deal with when I bring him around people I care about. He's bipolar, doesn't take his medication, drinks heavily, is loud, vulgar, gets involved in everyone's business, etc.

I was as honest as I could be. I just said he's very difficult and he will rub you the wrong way and I'm sorry but he's my brother and he's important to me. I told him that I didn't expect him to like him and if he didn't I wouldn't be upset, but you need to expect him to be around at family gatherings and such.

First time they met? They got along great. But the last two times we've been with him have been incredibly difficult. Both times he wanted to go out and get piss drunk and (stupidly) we did. Both times he ruined the evening to go get drugs. Both times he threatened to fight my boyfriend. When he's sober he's a fantastic guy. But I had to tell my brother that we didn't want to go out with him anymore or be around him when he's drinking or using like that. (I also had a very personal conversation with him about his life choices, but that's not relevant to this post).

I guess my point is this: prepare him as much as you can, make it clear that you and your mom are two different people, but make sure he knows she is your family and family is a package deal (most of the time). It's important that if there are problems you both have open communication with each other because addicts and alcoholics are trying for everyone involved. Sometimes we don't see the issues as difficult as they are because we've put up with them for so long - but that isn't true for our spouses, so you need to be sensitive to that. On the other side of the spectrum, you need to sit back and take a deep breath. Just because she's a functional alcoholic doesn't mean she will totally ruin the visit. Don't set her up for failure in your own mind.