Sorry, I can't stop thinking about your comment.

You also say

More than that, the onus is on the one with the birthday.

It's not anyone else's responsibility to remember things for me. They told me their birthday way back when we first met. Facebook has their birthday. My calendar has their birthday. I could ask friends to confirm and not seem insensitive to the birthday holder. I have a ton of means to figure out someone's birthday, why should the birthday person be responsible for making sure I know?

But cannot explain why they havent set up a comprehensive system to remind themselves of the birthday...

Please reread where they said:

but it will not excuse you from having to take the necessary steps to compensate.

Whereas you are saying it's an excuse to not have to take the necessary steps to compensate. You literally said

More than that, the onus is on the one with the birthday.

The way you're talking, it sounds like you are all about using ADHD as an excuse to not have to deal with our responsibilities and issues.

You're basically just picking and choosing what is acceptable ADHD behavior arbitrarily

So are you.

You then go on to imply some social punishment is in order.

No, they did not. No part of their comment, or mine for that matter, mentioned a social punishment.

In essense saying You're not excused from forgetting a birthday because there is a conceivable way you could have prepared for it. I mean at that point you may as well say "stop being ADHD".

There is a conceivable way you could have prepared for it! There's so many options these days to help us remember things. Our phones these days can literally annoy the hell out of us every hour until a certain event. We have tons of tools at our disposal, why do you think it's okay to not use them and instead force our friends and family and coworkers to be our support group? Why is it okay to push things on to them and relieve ourselves of the same burdens they have? Your non-ADHD friends still have to remember birthdays, why is it okay for us to forget and place the blame on someone else for not reminding us?

I don't see how your second sentence in that quote even follows from the first.