Bulimia and keto (possible ED triggers)

Rant: I've been there. I think I kind of just grew out of it. I think what happened was, like anything, the first hundred times deciding not to binge was extremely difficult and then eventually it just got easier. There's this tiny momentary threshold where you have a choice of whether to binge or not and usually it was so small that I wouldn't even notice it. But the more I located that moment when eating, the wider the space of choosing became the next time. It really is like strengthening a muscle. That being said, I'm still not perfect, and I binged three times this month on keto- but not that bad. 2500 calories and all healthy, homemade keto foods. These three times were nothing compared to some other times throughout my entire life when I just mindlessly shoved food in my mouth until I was sick and then purged and felt deeply sad and ashamed. Tracking really does help me now because that other moment of "fuck it, i've gone this far anyway, might as well just finish the jar/box/whole fridge" never happens. I feel accountable to MyFitnessPal for some reason. I don't want to mess up my averages I keep for the week in an excel spreadsheet. So even if I have a "binge day" of 2500 or 3000 calories, I can deal with that. And I can forgive myself. And I can stay present with that. Which is a big huge part of it. Yoga and meditation have helped with that part. If I practice for an hour before eating my meal I have a much better sense of what being satiated is. And if I plan on practicing at night it's a lot easier to eat less in anticipation of the practice. This works for me, but you have to try it yourself to see if it works for you, and you have to keep trying it for a few weeks before you decide it's not working. Also: everyone is right, therapy helps. And don't let one therapist represent all therapists in your mind. There are so many people out there, you have to keep trying until you find someone who helps you.

Afterthought: I also am a big proponent of pre-portioning food. I spend a lot of time doing this but I think anyone on here will tell you that keto takes a lot of preparation and planning, especially if you have overeating tendencies like you and me. So I pre-portion my food and I freeze the majority of it. Freezing really helps because I just simply cannot have a batch of brownies chillin on my counter top. I will invariably eat all of them in a sitting (learned this lesson in January.) So I first of all, didn't make any more brownies this month. Or even bring chocolate, or peanut butter, or any of my trigger foods into my house. That way, if I'm going to binge it's going to be on something nourishing at least. And all my prepacked meals are frozen. That period of dethawing a meal seriously deters me from eating it for some reason. It just takes too long and doesn't solve my compulsive binge moment.

Lastly, I let myself have unlimited bone broth. Some people might disagree with this but for me it really works. I make a ton of full-fat bone broth every week and if I'm really feeling "hungry" (quotes because I'm probably not really hungry, I'm probably just mentally craving putting something in my mouth and feeling full) then I drink a cup of salty, fragrant, oily broth. 9 times out of 10 it makes me feel better. If I am STILL wanting to eat something I butter up about 200 grams of broccoli or cauliflower (quite a bit!) which is only about 60 cals and pretty low carb) and salt that shit with some parm or some mozz. So maybe I went over my macros but hey, who can blame a girl for eating a bowl of broccoli??

Good luck. Sorry for the length of this comment. I really relate to it, and I just wanted to tell you that it gets better with some effort and determination and that there are other people like me who have struggled with exactly what you are struggling with and who have gotten free from that cage. Once you start feeling so healthy and energetic that you're just radiating with positivity you really will feel like taking care of your body is an art form and treat it with the gentle dignity it deserves! Promise!

/r/xxketo Thread