I've tried unity and unreal for close to two years each. There was nothing that made me prefer them over making everything from scratch myself.

Same with blender. Learned on college for a year, been using it myself for 5 years now (I try to avoid it but sometimes I need to design parts for 3D printing I can't easily make with something like solidworks). I'm not saying it's not a powerful tool, I'm just saying that I dislike using it very strongly.

And yes I could hire/pay someone to do all that, but (on top of being unemployed and having no resources) I'm not expecting any of my games to make any money and I don't want to sink the little I have left into something that's going to sit there gathering dust, either in a repository or in github among thousands of zero-effort shovelware games.

I'd say I'm not easily discouraged. But it's been too long making this stuff and I've suddenly looked back at all the time and effort I've put into making games and honestly I'm regretting all of it. It feels like everything has been for nothing and I've wasted my time with gamedev when I could've been doing or learning something useful.