I was undiagnosed in my 20s.

I started masking pretty well in college but didn't realize the consequences and would go through burnout periodically. I did when I was 20, again at 24, 30, 32, 34 and 36, each lasting at least a year. (And yes they got more frequent.) During those periods, I would withdraw and cut myself off from friends/family. I was in a LTR through pretty much all of it (starting as I was coming out of my first burnout phase) and while it didn't really help/stop it, and in bother ways contributed to my stress, it helped me from hitting the lowest lows and feeling quite so isolated. Between 30-35 though, I was pretty isolated from family. The last periods (34 & 36), I was not in that relationship but at 34 relied on a friend and was pretty codependent. This time, I've actually gotten a lot better with my coping skills and, despite some missteps feel better as I'm coming out of it (I think) - I'm opening up a lot more to friends but trying to stay away from codependence and am disassociating less from my emotions, although I still find both of those things to be a struggle.

Because I'm doing those things, I feel like it's easier for me to understand why I'm acting and feeling the way I am, which means that I can come up with better solutions. I'm still working on coping strategies (related to insecurity, feelings of isolation, doubting how I feel/think) though, along with more rational decision-making or reconciling desires with reality.

I think the most difficult part is wanting to be able to mask less now that I know I'm doing it, and wanting to be able to be more emotional and open, while being able to recognize without having had practice at either for almost 20 years. Also, it's become more difficult to prevent meltdowns (for some personal reasons, I've had a few over the past three weeks). I'm recognizing when those are occurring more, but also I think starting to mask them or try to disassociate from them, if that makes sense, and I'm not sure if that'll cause more problems in the long run.

Specific strategies that have helped have actually included talking about ASD, and in general examining the why behind my feelings more, including in therapy (previously I would mask even in therapy). Distracting myself from the things I'm struggling with and disassociating is something I still tend to fall into and, while it helps in the short term, it also leads to faster burnout. So I think my answer is that the coping techniques I developed when younger are no longer working and I need ways to survive that let me be more in touch with who I am instead of who normal people think I should be.