story time. so i join the army about a month back [Pvt Tots], (had a "mutual agreement" to "leave" and re join at a different date because i got really fucking sick, and still am) took my ASVAB and what not then about 3 days later i went back to MEPS to do my physical. My Sgt told me to be at our station by 0700, when i showed up my Sgt told me we just had to wait for one more guy before we can leave. Fast forward to 0900, im sitting on the couch starring at the same god damn wall that at this point i have made friends with and about to ask out to dinner. I hear foot steps and in comes this 6 foot tooth pick, fedora wearing mofo. He has this sad excuse for a "beard" in which include a whole 12 hairs right under his chin.[Pvt Dipshit] My Sgt yells from the other room "PVT DIPSHIT WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN!" "I SAID 0700 DO YOU KNOW HOW LATE IT IS!". The kids responds with "there was traffic." " YOU RIDE A FUCKING BIKE, WHAT TRAFFIC!!" "PVT TOTS, TAKE HIM OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW! I WILL SEND SGT 001 TO MEET YOU AT THE VAN!." So i take the schmuck out side and wait next to the van with him. Sgt 001 comes out. Sgt 001 is by far one of the coolest people i have ever met. he jokes around with all the new recruits and doesn't really treat us like real Pvts yet. He walks up to me and throws a punch right at my face. i flinch like a little bitch and he goes "HA two for filching." He proceeds to gently hit my arm, and we just grin at each other. Then Pvt Dipshit says "Thats not very professional, besides if you did that to me i would have reacted and hit you." I have been with this tard for a whole 5 mins and i already want to kill him. Sgt 001 just looks at him and tells him to get in the car. When we get in Sgt 001 ask if we needed anything before we leave like a drink or if we need to piss because we arnt stopping i say no and of course the tard says something stupid yet again. "Ya some scotch if you have it." I just look at Sgt 001 as hes giving me this what the fuck face. I turn to Pvt Dipshit and say "Shut the fuck up, your not funny. Put that hat over your face and take a nap." Sgt 001 gives me a grin and we set off to the land of duck walking. When we arrived i made sure to stay the hell away from him and make friends with another dude so i didn't have to share a room with him. The next morning we go in for our physicals. I managed to stay away from him until we had to line up and sign a contract that we wouldnt rape anyone while we where there. There where about 100 of us all lined up when some dude came and told us that this was the army line and that the other branches where down the hall. about 90% of the people left the line and went to the other offices and all but one girl who looked like she got her face mowed over my a lawnmower. by the time everyone got settled down i was in line with like 10 other people. the dude in front of me who was shaking he was so nervous and behind me Pvt Dipshit. He said hi to me and i just ignored him. now the kid in front of me was getting worse and worse as the line moved up. so i decided to talk to him. i said hey and asked him how hes doing. he tells me hes really nervous and he scared about not passing. So i tried to make him laugh. "Damn it really blows that all the hot chicks joined the Chair force, all we got is miss fuggly." He starts to giggle a bit when Pvt Dipshit chimes in. "I prefer brains over aesthetics, but that's just me." The guy in front of me stops shaking and is just looking at me baffled that he just said that. i turn around and just stare at him not surprised in the slightest that he would say something like that. Then the best thing i could have asked for happens. A FEMALE officer was standing there watching us and says one thing "Pfff, Pussy". At this point the nervous guy and i are dieng from laughing our asses off to the point where she had to tell us to calm down or we would have to leave the building. through out the day my new friend and i would say "pfff, pussy" to each other every chance we got and Pvt Dipshit didn't say one word for the rest of the day. When we finished up all our testing and it became time to swear in for the first time we noticed that the White knight wasn't there. apparently he had a slight bend in his spine and that was all she wrote. after the swearing in we said bye to each other and said our new catch phrase one last time and parted ways. and thats the story how the most typical, most stereotypical neck beard tried to join the army. at less he had the balls to try.
Holy shit i wrote a lot, i didnt even attend to post this. thought i was going to just type it out and delete in like the majority of my comments. But its to long just to delete.
TL;DR White knight neck beard tried to join the army and got smacked down by a female officer.
I dont think this is good enough proof but its what i got without giving people my real name/SSN.
