Call it quits or wait it out?

My thoughts :) take or leave. You’re not being too dramatic but it is time for you to take charge of your wants and feelings in this situation.

It doesn’t sound like you are feeling very fulfilled by your time together. It might be time to tell him what you want/need and let the chips fall where they may. Try to use a positive and powerful angle (like, “I’m looking for a passionate short term relationship where we are exclusive. Are you in?” not “I really want to be with you while you’re here if you want to do that. Do you want to hang out?.”) Take your power back! I’m not saying he took it, by the way, but you lost it somewhere in this situation. And you may end up walking away, but if you’re not having fun/feeling the current situation, you won’t really be losing out will you? If he’s only around for a short time so do you really want to halfass it for another 6 months only to have him go and you reflect on a not very fulfilling year together-ish? There’s a lot of wonderful people in the world. THEY’RE EVERYWHERE. Don’t ever, ever forget that!

I’ve been in similar situations (on both ends) and I think sometimes when people lead a relationship convo with their commitment issues or their complicated life and are a bit reluctant or standoffish to date us, or end things but then come back, it can tip the scales of emotional power in their favour. Even on subconscious levels. Like just hearing that someone is afraid of commitment or isn’t sure what they want can make us absolutely ache for their attention and approval. And all of a sudden the whole relationship dynamic revolves around their comfort levels and you get into a grove of trying to please them and make them comfortable. Trying to be perfect to show them you are worth it. It can be fine at first and it forces up to be our best selves sometimes, but it gets old real quick. It’s just not sustainable never knowing where you stand or if they’re happy. I’d say you’re looking for a way to tip those scales back into balance (or into balance for the first time). A heart to heart with you setting boundaries from a place of confidence, like above, could do the trick. But again, prepare yourself to move on (to one or more of the other wonderful people in the world). He might just not be that into you.

Ps, I’ve totally gotten caught in this trap before. I likely will again and will need a gf to slap me,lol. But in general I have a rule. I ONLY date people who are like totally into me. You deserve that too.

/r/dating_advice Thread