I can explain my depression easily.

from the outside i seem like i'm getting it together, and i could probably do well if i applied my energy in the right places, but ultimately i don't care about any of it, not really. you're right i can hold up a normal conversation perfectly well, get people motivated about stuff while i don't actually give a shit myself, cause in the back of my mind it's always "in an insignificant amount of time you're gonna be rotting in the ground and your brain will melt into a black sludge, forever destroying all the connections you made during that timespan" and i'm supposed to pretend like i give two fucks about solving some deluded, overall inconsequential company's problems and act like it's the greatest thing in the world while doing it? i just wanna crawl away into some hole and drift along to perceptual distractions until my mind fades to black forever. cause doing it myself would cause so much emotional distress that the reluctance overrides my grievance with the world. someone else shouldn't have to suffer because i'm just not compatible with this world. i'll carry it until there's no one to suffer anymore, go through the motions and pretend i've got it figured out this time

/r/depression Thread