"If any interpretation is closer to the word of God than the Orthodox Church can ever hope to be, why do reformed churches become more ridiculous by the minute?"

As if the Orthodox are a monolithic group. No, there is serious division within the church. Some go sop far as to approve of homosexuality. I see no argument here. By the way. Not every Protestant is "Reformed."

"One last thing. The Church allows laymen (not clergy) to baptize people. A layman (man or woman) can baptize someone who is in an emergency. If a normal baptism cannot be performed, a non-typical baptize is perfectly acceptable."

Is this biblical or is it tradition. My point.

The Pharisees worshiped the traditions of their elders and didn't obey the word of God. The Church hasn't forgotten the word of God.

The Pharisees would echo this sentiment. In fact, it is this very sentiment that prevents them from coming to Christ.

In fact, once the word of God was open to interpretation, it lead to ridiculous practices such as speaking in tongues, being possessed by the Spirit (and acting like a demon because of it), forsaking the Holy Communion (arguably one of the most vital parts of being a Christian; receiving the Body and Blood of Christ), etc etc.

There is error. True. But even within Orthodoxy there is error. You still have not answered my question. It's really important for me. Are we not friends? How do I know what tradition? What apostolic line? All have claimed to be the truth and yet all disagree.