I understand that.

When you're drunk you don't suddenly shift from euphoria to doom and gloom. And it's not something you have to brace yourself for there is no comparison pharmacologically or psychologically beside the fact that you're under the influence of a drug.

what I'm saying is that the MDMA experience, more than any drug, for me has become full ying and yang, I can't, no matter how much I moderate or supplement get a good time without the bad part, I tried waiting, normally giving up any drug for more than a year feels like the first time, not MDMA, it just reminds me of why I don't like it anymore. I don't believe in the chemical loss of magic because it feels the same, it's doing the same thing to my brain and I'm responding to it the same as the first time.

I'm really doubting whether those good memories I had on it back in the day were "made up" after the fact because it's a short intense burst followed by a steep comedown.