The cause of my issues: curses and spells that have been redone rather monthly for a matter of 27 years+ on my family, long before I was born. Curses so we only suffer. Hate each other. Always lose money. Never gain. All our doors are closed. We fall and die but still suffer physically. We have found them everywhere. They have been confirmed all the same. I've been told there's no way out until the bitch dies. Tried everything to get rid of it all. Think I've found someone to help. Need money. Lots of it. My life is fucked. Living in the middle of nowhere. Can't drive. My abusive father refused to teach me. Youtube can only go so far without getting caught. No car. No money for a bike even. No job. Work online day and night. 14 hours a day. 99% of the time I never get the money but I have no other option. The bus only comes twice a day around. Am 18. Used to be really good at school. Skipped senior year and graduated two years ago. Community college is 1 hour away. Bus doesn't go there. Online classes will not count in the long future for a medical degree. I sit and work my eyes out with no avail. I suffer inside. My family suffers. I have no friends. What I have left is suicide. Any money I make goes to family debts that keep on piling. Tragedy always strikes to put us further in the hole and against each other.

I take responsibility for being born. I wish I never was so I wouldn't endure what I am enduring. Too much of a coward to go through with the suicide. Can't hurt my mom who has suffered all her life. She was the main subject of the curses due to envy and my dad due to the curses vanished 27 years ago when they started and is a monster who hates his own flesh and blood and said would kill me if I ever mentioned the bitch who did this and loves. All due to magick.

There's no getting out. What do you think? Am I responsible? I try and turn my life around everyday but If I had it my way, I wouldn't get up. I just need help. My brain no longer functions. The curses give me headaches for a month the moment they are repeated and we see the effects strengthened after waning off a bit. Truthfully, I have no money to buy the Satanic Bible. I'll be looking for a digital version. Not to mention it takes me 30 minutes to go to the nearest place by walking. The grocery store. Can't find it around. Option left online but I really don't want to spend money. I save every dollar. And will spend 1-4 on the lottery every week.