Can some bi women give me some perspective ?

I agree with u/Never_heart from the original thread. She’s trying to make it seem like WLW who aren’t gay don’t experience a sense of isolation and don’t also have struggles passing as straight, which is blatantly false. We can’t choose who we’re attracted to, and if we just so happen to be in a same-sex relationship, then all the trials and tribulations about how society treats lesbians gets applied to us as well.

Speaking from personal experience, I feel like being polysexual makes me more of an alien than lesbians. If you’re only physically and emotionally attracted to one sex, you never have to worry about those two forms of attraction meshing, like I do. I’m physically attracted to men, women, and female presenting intersexuals, but I’m much more physically attracted to feminine bodies, with less attraction to males, whereas emotionally, based on my limited experience dating women, it doesn’t seem like my emotions for women can get past a shallow, puppy love kind of phase. I just can’t love them as deeply as I do men, and for most of my life I’ve found myself uncomfortable at the thought of kissing a woman. Maybe I just haven’t found the right woman, but until that happens I feel like I’m stuck in this limbo of being mostly homosexual but mostly heteroromantic, and it really fucking sucks.

She also says that she wouldn’t want being with a woman to preclude that other woman from having fantasies about men, which also seems to play into the biphobic belief that we’re cheaters and wanderers, because not once does she bring up the fact that lesbian women can also fantasize about other women while being in a relationship with a woman.

It’s also kind of a logical fallacy to expect all lesbian women to be 100% gay. Human sexual orientation exists on a spectrum and is very fluid, especially in women, so I imagine she’d be hard-pressed to find a lesbian who always has been and always will be completely gay.

I feel like if this was a straight person who said this about how they prefer to only date other heterosexual people who are completely straight, with not an ounce of gayness, because they relate to that more, everyone would be rightly upset and calling them homophobic. But with a lesbian woman it’s okay, she just has preferences and knows what she wants.

/r/actuallesbians Thread Link -