You still have time to meet someone who will love AND respect you if you leave him now. You've put in 14 years, but that doesn't mean you should waste any more time on someone who is so disrespectful to you.
I feel like love needs a strong foundation if it's going to be a life-long fulfilling, successful experience. That foundation has 4 cornerstones: 1) Trust/Respect (I always put those two together b/c they're two sides of the same coin. You can't have one without the other, IMO); 2) Support; 3) Appreciation; 4) Desire. IMO if any of these are missing the relationship isn't strong & dependable & it requires a lot of time & effort from BOTH partners to build, rebuild, &/or strengthen it. From what I've read you have at least two & possibly three 3 SEVERELY lacking cornerstone issues. IMHO you're bailing water on the Titanic, & worse, you're the only one doing it.
I'm 48, & I've been married for over 30 years to the love of my life, & there's no way in hell he'd EVER let ANYONE treat me disrespectfully, & he certainly wouldn't excuse their behavior if they did! I'm a L&D/Pediatrics Nurse. I've witnessed A LOT of people's relationships, & I can almost always pick out the unhappy, unhealthy marriages/relationship's based on the couple's interactions. Yours sounds positively toxic & absolutely miserable.
I'm a firm believer that we teach other people how to treat us based on our words, & our actions & reactions. When you allowed him to stay after he cheated he learned that he could get away with infidelity if he cried/apologized enough. I'm also a firm believer that no one can use, misuse, or abuse you without your consent. You're allowing him to use, misuse, & possibly even abuse you. The worst part is that I think you're aware of this but too afraid to do anything about it. That breaks my heart for you.
I wish you loved & respected yourself enough to trust your instincts & listen to your intuition. The whole reason for having them is for our own Self-Preservation, which is why they'll NEVER steer you wrong. You need to dig down deep & find your Self-love, Self-Respect, Self-esteem, & Self-confidence & tell him to gtfo of there. What advice would you give to your mother, daughter, sister, or BFF if they were in exactly your situation? You. Deserve. Better.
(I was the victim of of a childhood sexual assault & was suicidal due to the subsequent brutally merciless bullying. Even as a very young child I knew that I would never be anyone's victim ever again. And I wasn't. I took TaeKwonDo & learned how to protect & defend myself. I would NEVER allow anyone to use, misuse, abuse me & make me their victim again. You need to come up swinging, sister!)