I’m sorry that you are hurting so badly. I’ve been dealing with depression for decades and it has been a daily challenge. Sometimes I win, sometimes I lose.
What i find that works for me is to force myself to do the things that I enjoy. Simple things. I go for a long walk. It clears my mind, I break a sweat, I get some sunlight. I look at the sky, the trees, and the lake and remind myself how lucky I am to experience it. When I get home, I have a couple of cups of coffee.
Doing the simple things like washing the plate that I ate off of, doing my laundry, taking out the garbage make me feel that I have taken loving action for myself. I hope that you feel better. I felt hopeless and lonely today. We’ll see what tomorrow holds.