It’s perfectly appropriate for you to set healthy boundaries with them, but how far you’d want to take that would depend on if and how much you’re still financially dependent on them, and assessing how far they might go if you did and how would you feel about it. You can’t change anybody else, the most you can do is tell them exactly how you feel, and if they don’t understand that then you have a choice about if and how much you want to spend with them. There’s no right or wrong answer, it’s just up to you how far you’d want to take it.

The whole thing sounds extremely enmeshed, their boundaries as parents have been terrible.