I actually finally got someone on the phone who had the answer immediately, and so far so good. Gonna have to be patient. The TL-DR is that I was registering/logging in on the Computershare Canada website and I should have registered on the Computershare USA website (which you just select in the top right corner of the webpage)

I must have been told to contact Computershare Canada, cause I'm in Canada, but you have to speak to the office in the country handling the stock,in this case Computershare USA.

So I registered a new account on their advice, which I assume you should try. Make sure you're on the AMERICAN website, because I had registered and tried to log in on the Canadian website. You can see the problem here.

The woman stayed on the phone with me while I re-registered, and it worked the first time. Now I just have to wait for a form to arrive in the mail. (it's basically to sort out tax implications, because if I was in the USA I would be getting taxed per their system)