I feel this way too.

OCD etc. usually is fear based. It can not make people like things.

It may be possible to do things step by step. Don't know if you have seen it ... here might be a number of things that could be tried out etc. and there are also hints there concerning looking for support.

And please stop all thoughts of self harm. They lead to nowhere. Here are distractions in case.

And looking for a supportive therapist may be very advisable. It does not add stress to your parents if its done in a reasonable way. Here in the middle are hints concerning looking for a gender therapist. And wanting treatment is legitimate.

And here and here might be a number of hints concerning looking for support. Talking with a few others might be helpful too.

And if you feel really low please reach out .. there are helplines, for example

translifeline.org Its trans people there. It may be necessary to call a few times until someone answers.

thetrevorproject.org/get-help-now/ This one is for people under 25 and they also have a chat.

glbthotline.org/ They also have a chat and support groups.

hugs