I am so sorry for your loss, I can only imagine the depths of hell you've been in and fought out of. Your post instantly struck me and I felt like I had to write this.
Our family is going through an awful, unimaginable time right now. My uncle or second dad as I call him, had an abscess on his brain that burst which required emergency brain surgery ... 3 times. Subsequently he has been in ICU for over two months with complication after complication.
Today they told us that he won't get better. As we see him today, non-responsive and unable to move, is how he will be likely forever. And if that wasn't devastating enough, The next hurdle is the DNR because he has a serious pneumonia right now and has already been intubated 3 times. As you can imagine our family is physically collapsing in grief and my auntie (her husband) is barely hanging on. When I'm with my auntie, my heart sinks and physically aches just imagining what she is personally coping with.
Today we (auntie and I) sat together beside his bed and told funny stories about him, and told him how much we miss him. As I was trying to tell him everything i had in my heart in case I wasn't given another chance, I completely broke...heaving sobs and begging him to come back - we both lost it and the awful sounds of our grief were echoing in the ICU.
The only wAy I know how to support my auntie is to be there for her and not make things harder for her - I failed today. I have tried to be so strong and consistent for her through this time but I feel like I can't hold it together anymore. I've never been through something like this , let alone our worst possible nightmare ...that this once brilliant engineer, avid soccer player , coach, funny, warm and inviting soul is trapped inside a lifeless body that is failing him. I've never experienced sorrow to this depth and it overwhelms and terrifies me at the same time.
It might be incredibly inappropriate to ask you as you are a widow, what I can do for my aunt who is about to become one. How can I help her with this pending doom of losing her husband of 30 years. what can I do for her? How can I help her? What should I not do?
from the deepest part of my heart, I thank you for any advice you can give. I feel so lost in this grief. Thank you for reading this. Again, my deepest condolences for your loss.
Sincerely, Mrs. VonWooter