I can't see any other way out.

I don't know your situation, I don't know you, but I want you to know that I used to feel like you when I was young(er). I'm 34 now.

I didn't have gender dysphoria, but I guess you could call my situation body dysphoria. I have a form of Spina Bifida and got teased for it a lot. I couldn't really understand why since to me, I am "normal" because I can walk. As I got older, I understood it was my back (scoliosis) and my bum right leg that were making me a target and I hated the skin I was in. I really wanted to die after it became obvious God wasn't going to step in and miraculously heal me no matter how much I begged.

I went through that until I was about 24. Off and on, I would hate everything and myself enough that I wanted to die and I would try to eat pills or consider jumping off a bridge.

I'm glad I failed. Now I'm 34, I have 3 kids, a husband, a house, a dog. My life isn't perfect. I have chronic pain and kidney infections, I eat a lot of pills for that (not trying to off myself :P). I can't do a lot of the stuff I could when I was younger and pain free, but I enjoy what I have. I've gone to Germany as an exchange student, I learned how to crochet, I learned how to speak Portuguese, I became an activist for equality and pro-choice rights, and I have been to a lot of cool places in the US. I've also picked up gardening and being a giant recycling nut as side hobbies. Gardening is very relaxing and it makes me feel like part of the community when I run around picking up trash or recyclables off the ground.

Life isn't always fun. Life isn't always fantastic, or easy, or particularly exciting. But, this is your life. You don't have to accept feeling this way. You don't have to accept that this is all there is for you. I'm not one of those disabled people who winds up being a motivational speaker and rich and famous, I'm just a person who decided that I wasn't going to let the way I was born make me miserable for another goddamn day. I'm telling you that you can choose to have an awesome life and it will work, even if it takes some effort from you up front.

I hope that you will read this and know that I honestly believe what I am saying. You will have the power, very soon, to get the medical treatments you need to be happy. There is a whole community of people who will support you and love you through the entire process. :)

If you think you need pain to feel better until then, recommend picking up training for a marathon or some other sport. I personally lift weights when I can and do some light jogging when my body allows. It's amazing how painful exercise can be while giving you a great boost of mood-enhancing endorphins. :)

/r/SuicideWatch Thread