I can't deal with being so bipolar.

Hey there..

Let's take it easy for a moment. Just breath, have a chat and see where it leads.. I mean, if you're going to die, why not die having chatted with another "bipolar failure" from Sweden. No harm in that, right?

Anyway, yes, I'm bipolar. I'm not trans, but I am proud to say that I have several queer friends, and seeing how they struggle so much about their genders, it's nothing I'd wish upon my worst enemy, so while I don't understand how fatiguing it must be to be trans in a world with so many assholes and bigots, I still have a sense of relating to it.

Now. There's something I'd like for you to do here: think of all your failures in the past and the present, and think of them as failures. Can you do that for me? Please? Because here's what I see: you and me both fail things all the time, but we are not the failures. What we do can end up a failure, but we are people doing mistakes. Not failures. We make mistakes, and that just makes us human.

So, your mom is wrong here. Very wrong. Remember that. You're not the failure.

As for the lows, oh man, I can definitely relate to that. I've attempted suicide about 10 times by now, and still think about it almost every..single..day. The lows are hellish, and I'm not gonna lie, they'll be there for the rest of our lives, and I've undergone 20 sessions of ECT as well. They just won't budge.

Then there's the other side of it: managing to live with what we have. I mean, let's think about it here: sure, we both make mistakes, we both are bipolar with every piece that this disorder pains us with, we both think about suicide ... but the thing is, life can be good too. I mean it. It can be really good some days.

Here's what I'd want for you: you'd get out of that miserable place you call home and get yourself a new one, one of your own. Somehow. I used to be homeless too, so I know it's not that easy. But you'd try and eventually you'd make it. You'd find friends who accept you for who you are, without prejudice. You'd find love in them, love that I think you need so god damned much right now. Someone to hug you and tell you how special you are, in a good way. Because you are. That things will eventually turn around for a moment. Because they will. It's the nature of our disorder - we're bound to have good moments too, sometimes a bit too good, but that's why we have lithium or some other mood stabilizer. Because, it kind of pains me to see you take everything on yourself here, since those things aren't even your fault!

Your parents being that way..not your fault. Your disorder..not your fault. Your studies being affected by your situation..not your fault. Your suicidal ideation..not your fault. Your previous cutting yourself..not your fault.

You see, most things are just not your fucking fault, and you need to understand that before making such a final decision about your own life.

I don't know how this comment will affect you, if at all. But if you want to keep in touch, you're welcome to PM me, and even if I can't give you a hug, I can still say: you're special in a good way, and things will be alright, one day, for the both of us.

/r/SuicideWatch Thread