3. i cant kill myself and i need help.

i cant kill myself and i need help.

thats something Ive wanted to do and thought about since high school. I constantly dreamed of moving out right after high school and eventually taking a plane somewhere (I had a few ideas of where I wanted to go) and starting completely over.

ive tried to reach that. I wanted it so badly for so long. I tried all sorts of jobs. at first it was whatever I could get, to what I thought I could handle since I would crash after a week of working, but when I crashed even when the job I had only required a few days of work a month, I really started to lose hope.

I even tried streaming! I figured that if I just streamed to twitch when I could it would give me some sense of 'work' while having no strict schedule that I would have to listen to, so my mental failures would be minimized and my depression wouldnt be able to crash me. but one bad experience on like my 5th stream made me feel so awful that I crashed and couldnt go back to that either.

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Do you ever question yourself? I told my therapist about how my mom kicked me out and then texted me less than a month later telling me I should come visit. He told me I was "biased" against her and she wasn't seeking narcissist supply Why can’t I wear makeup around my father. If you have a narc near you, disengage in conversations. Use the grey rocking technique. Do everything in your power to appear uninteresting. You cannot win in a conversation with them. They live in their own reality and even statistics and facts wouldn't let them see any other reality than theirs. Being the first person in my family to break our generational trauma, but also REALIZING AND ACKNOWLEDGING that there is trauma Nmom cried to my friend and told them what a terrible son I am when I went to the bathroom. Now friend is on her side. Mom ruined birthday surprise friends planned for me Legal liability if you refuse to take care of elderly parent? Did anyone else sense that something was clinically "off" or "wrong" with their Nparents as far back as they can remember? Why are abusive mothers coddled so much? What was the worst “punishment” that you got from your nparents and why? How do you change inner voices? Did y’all grow up feeling like you were always spied on? so nmom called me this morning to say we need to have a serious talk. What traits have lingered for you after *years* of NC?

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