ive probably taken around 12 different medications. ive had antidepressants, mood stabilizers, anti anxiety medications. ive had some combined and some solo. the ones that do work only work for a few months before i get back to how i normally am. as if my body is working against me.

the thing is i understood her though. because it can be exhausting listening to me. cause despite what ive been through i should be doing better. i have ptsd and bpd. and its exhausting. i know it is..

i do have good moments. and youre right. theyre powerful and beautiful. they just never last long enough to be worth all the constant despair i go through when im not in those good times..