Hey I don't really know what to say other than that I felt that way for years and years and have just finally over the past year or so started overcome those feelings. I don't know how old you are but it will get easier. It did for me at least. These overwhelming feelings don't go away but you have to learn how to overcome them. Even when it seems like you are totally alone, look for the people in your life who love you and really care. Try might be hard to see and or they might not even be around at all right now, but you will find them and you will find the things that keep the darkness at bay and let you go on. You got a life worth living just like anybody else. Wish I could do more to help but it's impossible with just a comment on the Internet. Your struggle is a long and arduous one, and it is yours alone. All I can do is wish you luck and let you know that others have the same kind of struggle and feel the same way. It may not feel this way right now but your path will be yours to choose. Best of luck. Hope this helps. Feel free to shoot me a message any time.

PS there's a book about Abraham Lincoln called "lincoln's melancholy" that talks about his struggle with depression and how it shaped his leadership. I highly recommend it.