I experienced ego death that brought on an out of body experience. It went a little something like this: (and a 1 and a 2 and a 1 2 3 4)

I ate a 1/4 ounce of shrooms. I sat on my bed in the lotus position meditating while they kicked in. After about 20-30 minutes I became aware, like I usually do on shrooms, of this flickering television-static-like energy just beneath the surface of all physical reality around me. A friend of mine refers to it as the matrix code. I once saw somebody talking about this online and they posted the perfect gif representation of it but I cannot find it right now. Anyways, so I become aware of that, and I feel this feeling in my stomach, this tingling, this something...I'm not sure. But it makes me laugh because I realize that I'm feeling in me this "energy" I can see beneath of the surface of everything else. If that makes any sense.

So the next thing that happened was my idea of "inside" and "outside" dissolved. Meaning before there was a strong boundary between the inner space inside of me (the world of thoughts and feelings and such) and the outer space outside of me (the external environment). So yes, this boundary dissolved because it was never real to begin with. It was an incorrect perception of myself and reality. So it dissolved and me and everything going on in this moment right now became One. I felt whole. I felt complete. I felt connected. All of my stress and tension fell away and I felt more alive than I ever had in my entire life. Life suddenly seemed ridiculously easy. It was like I found my other half.

Then I became increasingly aware of my spine. This golden, warm, fantastic energy began to shoot up and down it. It felt amazing. I just sat in the darkness feeling this energy. It began to collect at the top of my head and grow and grow, into this tense static ball of energy. It began to feel like flexing a muscle just way too hard. After a while I just "let go".

And I know this sounds crazy but this is 100% what happened next. I can only describe it as "being born out of the top of my head". It was an odd sensation, like an explosion, but next the thing I knew, "I" was looking down at "my" body sitting on the bed.

I went out of body. But I was not floating up by the ceiling. I was detached from that moment in reality all together, someplace else, floating further and further away.

This is when my ego truly dissolved.

All of the mental tension within me fell away when I "let go" of that tension in my head. All of the repeated thought cycles, the conditioned thoughts, who I thought I was....it all created this mental tension. And it all fell away..

I was not my name. I was not my personality or my personal history. I was not my opinions or my likes or my dislikes. I was not any of that. It all fell away. I lost my "self" completely only to find my true self.

Underneath all of that, was this thing....this constant...that has been there my entire life...it just got covered up. Letting go of myself helped me to see it again and realize that's who I really am. It was this pure, pure, awareness.

I realized that's who I am, that's who I've always been and the name, the personality, the conditioned thoughts, the personal life history and experiences, those covered up this brilliant pure awareness. There was no "me". I am no one.

I could not even call it "my" awareness because in that moment I realized it was everywhere and everything but nowhere and nothing at the same time. I could not point to any specific place and say "THATS WHERE AWARENESS IS!". It's as if someone painted all of reality directly onto a massive pupil. Awareness is everything and it's everywhere but it's no-thing and nowhere as well.

I could not claim ownership, is what I'm getting at.

The fatal flaw the I understood that wonderful night, was that we mistake this awareness for being a product of our physical brain. But its not. I know that sounds crazy but we have it backwards and I really think this is the root cause to a lot of dysfunction in the world. We believe this awareness resides in our brain. And my awareness is my awareness. And we draw little circles around it and call it "me!". And we give that circle a name, and then we dress it up with the things we choose to identify with.

But the awareness I have is the same awareness that you have. There is no separation or different. It does not reside in your brain. There is just a sea of awareness.

Okay so I was totally tripping out. I was "floating" in pure nothingness, this place beyond time and space. I could "feel" the physical moment where my body was and I could check back in any time I wanted by "feeling" it. It felt like....."tuning my consciousness". Whatever I "tuned" my consciousness to I felt directly.

But anyways, I was in a sea of nothingness. A complete void. But. It was also everything. It was pure potentiality. It was infinity. I felt pure bliss. I felt amazing. But the weirdest thing about it all....it all felt so goddamn familiar, like I had been there before. In fact, during that time, I just "knew" that I had been there before.

It's so hard to explain a lot of this, and I know it just sounds like batshit crazy. But there was just nothingness, and infinity, and awareness of it all. And whatever "I" chose to be aware of, I became and experience subjectively as well as objectively. It was the most amazing experience of my life.

Ego death is the realization that identity is not real. There is no self. There is no "me" or "I". There is no separation between you and everything going on in this moment right now. There is just pure awareness of this one experience. There is no inner space or outer space. There is just space and it's literally everywhere. There is only a complete void of nothingness which gives way to the purest potential energy, to infinite possibility. To unrealized potential. Nothingness and everything are one in the same. You and I are one in the same.

Everyone, who I tell about this, always asks me "Oh so you went out of body? Did you see any spirits, or Jesus or God?"

Nope. No spirits. No Jesus. No God.

I was just at One with everything and it was fucking ridiculous.

I know that's an insane story, and as I get older (fuck that was 8 years ago it happened) it gets harder to remember the exact details. I wish I could experience it again. I've talked to people who have had near death experiences and described it exactly the way I did. I've talked to other people who tripped and went "out of body" and also described it the same way. I've also read accounts from people saying they went out of body and went to heaven with Jesus and heaven was a city and blah blah blah. I can't discount their experience because I mean maybe they did experience that. All I know is I went out of body and had an experience in the complete nonphysical, pure being, pure awarness, complete void, beyond space and time, where everything that ever was or could be was happening right now. And it was life changing to say the least.

I wanna go back though.

Thanks for letting me interrupt with my dumb story.